Inevitably, I was thinking about the past year, the last bucket list, should I do new one, what I learned, what goals should I set up, etc. The more I was thinking, the more the answer was escaping from me and we finished like in a circle – I felt it is somewhere around but wasn’t sure if I am running after it, or I am the one being chased. New Year’s Resolution pressure.
The answer came very naturally in the first hours of 2016. I spent the evening with close friends and after we had proper dinner, we went to one of the most popular clubs in Sofia – “Terminal 1”. Two bands were playing last night. They do mostly covers of popular rock bands with a touch of one or two pieces on their own. One of the bands was with the singer Raja. I met this girl on one of her, I believe, very first live performances three years ago. Back then she was doing songs comfortable for her deep low voice and the musician friend I was with said that he is still not sure about her (talent/ proficiency?). I remember we exchanged few words and she said she started to play a guitar just month or two ago. Month or two and already on a stage? If this is not brave, then what?
Anyway, yesterday the performance was from another level. It was professional and complex, a performance by real young musician. The progress Raja had with her voice, her playing and even with her presence on the stage made me think about the time. She achieved so much for three years, I am sure with lots of hard work and proper support. On a contrary, very close person of mine told me that he is on a “phase”, on a “step” of his road towards skills and personality (and fighting with anxiety) already for ten years. Even if it sounds abstract, the parallel I make here is between the goals we set and how we tend to measure them with time.
What time brings to us in this case? Maybe one makes a step or learn a skill for one month, maybe other person does it for three years and other for ten. For one month on a guitar I learned how to do two chords but I mastered some quite good knitting skills for a week. I fulfilled on a half my last year list. And I don’t feel like I am late, I don’t feel the need of a new list and I just look forward for a continuation and slight update.
Not that we are timeless, we are very clearly limited by our mortal life, but outside of this all other frames we alone put to ourselves. And the answer it is not in the time cycles, we shouldn’t identify ourselves through them. You are not what you did in 2015, or what you plan to do in 2016. You are, to some extent, what you are doing now. You are you. So, again it seems more important to answer these questions:
Who am I?
What is most valuable for me?
What I want?
And then the time is not source of anxiety and pressure anymore. So my wish to everybody is to get free of time, be thankful, happy, patient with yourself and simply be.
There is one saying I heard few days ago. When a person is healthy, he has many problems. When is sick, he has only one problem. So may all of us have these many problems together with our health. All else comes into place sooner or later.
Thank you all, beautiful people.